Goodbye Sweet Baby

At 3:44 AM Monday, my first granddaughter, Blair, entered the world. Her birth was not a joyous occasion as she was born at 21 weeks gestation. Boy Wonder and I were there with Alli during the delivery. While perfectly formed, she was too young to even breathe. They wiped her off and handed her to Alli. Alli and Boy Wonder looked at her a minute before Alli started crying, "She's still moving! She's still moving!" in a panicked tone that broke my heart. I asked if she wanted me to take her and she said yes. So, I picked up the little bundle and held her close, telling her how much we loved her and how glad I was to be her grandmother. Her left arm continued moving another minute or two and then she was still. I can only hope she felt loved as she headed for Heaven.

The nurse took her out of the room then to clean her up while the others tended to Alli. When everything was settled, they brought her back. She'd been bathed and dressed in a beautiful handmade outfit. She was wearing a white crocheted dress with pink ruffles with a matching bonnet and blanket. All obviously made by a volunteer for occasions just like this one. (God bless that volunteer.) We spent the day holding her and crying. BW called his family and I alerted Alli's family (both bio and adopted). BW's dad and stepmom arrived first and left just as my mom arrived with Beth and BW's mother. They stayed the rest of the day. We all left the hospital about 4:00, leaving Alli and BW alone with their sweet baby. They kept her in the room the whole night until the funeral home van arrived to pick her up the next morning. Alli was released from the hospital on Tuesday. The funeral is scheduled for today.

It's been a long week. A week where hopes were raised and then crushed. A week of listening to her little heartbeat every hour, only to have her born so early that it had to stop. Emotions are raw, especially on top of the exhaustion that follows a week in the hospital. Everyone is hurting.

Leaving that hospital, that room, was hard. That was the only room in the whole world where Blair was alive, even if just for a few minutes. In some odd way, we became a family in that room. Until this hospitalization, I'd only met Boy Wonder once. Suddenly, we were thrust together almost constantly and had to learn to live together in the face of a tragedy. I have to admit he stepped up. He was there when Alli needed him. He didn't take the initiative to do things for her but willingly helped when asked. I have a new understanding of him. I hope he can say the same for me.

Now, I wonder where we go from here?