Revolving Door

Alli and Elvis are back. They weren't even gone 24 hours. I don't know how I feel. Relieved on some level. They are safe and Elvis is being cared for. On the other hand, it's only a matter of time before we have the same problems we've been having.

I don't quite get where her attitude is coming from. She's been here almost 5 years and, for the most part, has been a joy. Suddenly, she seems to have this sense of entitlement...thinks she's "owed" things, wants the best of everything, and seems to have no consideration for anyone else's feelings or needs. She hasn't always been this way. She used to be very appreciative of the things she's had.

In the last few months, though, she's reconnected with her bio mom (a woman who has literally committed crimes against this child) and they are "best friends" now. I have so much trouble accepting this. I'd have given my life to keep this girl from having to go through what she did. Now, she's cozied up to her abuser. Based on my experience from my fairly normal, middle-class upbringing, this makes no sense. This is compounded by the fact that for many years, Alli has wanted NO contact with this woman. I'm not sure what changed.

I'm sure my attitude towards her bio mom is affecting my relationship with Alli. I feel hurt and betrayed by their relationship. They share something I can never share with Alli - biology. In the meantime, I'm stuck being the mean parent - enforcing rules and nagging about daily chores. Bio mom gets to be the fun parent - shopping and manicures. It's almost like a divorce situation where each parents tries to be the kids' favorite. Only I didn't sign up for that. And I'm not falling for that. I'll continue to be the "mean" parent because that is what Alli needs. She's 20 years old and is a parent herself. It is time for her to grow up and start making decisions for herself. I'm going to have to accept that I'm not always going to agree with her decisions. I can offer guidance but the decisions are hers to make. She's going to make some horrible decisions. There is nothing I can do but be there to pick her up (again) and patch her up (again) and hope she doesn't end up so damaged that she can't be repaired.