Thanksgiving Checklist

Finally, a few days off work. Many, many things to do during the time off but I'm loving having the extra time. We go to my mom's for dinner so she does the hard stuff (cleaning, turkey, dressing, rolls). I'm good with bringing the easy stuff. I did my shopping last weekend so I'm basically down to just needing to do the prep part.

~ Mac and cheese - Boil the noodles. Cut the cheese (insert fart joke here). Melt the cheese over the noodles.

~ Green bean casserole - Open cans and bags. Stir together. Microwave ingredients (because my oven doesn't work). Take to Mom's to put under her broiler to make the topping crunchy.

~ Deviled Eggs - The eggs are boiled, cut, and the yolks are already mashed and mixed. All that is left is to pipe the yellow mush back into the white part after we get to Mom's. It travels much better that way.

~ Party Potatoes - I'm using instant potatoes for these. That is why I love the recipe. It's much easier and still tastes great. I just need to measure, mix, and microwave.

~ Cranberry salad - I made this last night so all I need to do is find the top to the bowl and it's ready to go.

~ Coax pregnant daughter home from bio cousin's house - This is the shock of my holiday season. Alli, age 20, mother of Elvis, age 5 with multiple special needs, has recently disclosed that she is knocked up. This distresses me on several levels. First, she didn't tell me. She told my brother, of all people, and had him tell me. Second, she and the baby's father aren't together. They never were really together (except physically, obviously). He's the guy she falls back on when she breaks up with someone she's really dating. I've once heard her refer to him as a "friend with benefits." It breaks my heart that she engages in behavior like that. However, she is an adult and I can't control her life. Third, she doesn't even like children.

My emotions are all over the place on this one. My initial gut reaction was to toss her out on her behind. I am hurt, and angry. She's dropped out of college (that I paid for this semester) and the doctor doesn't want her to work right now. She was already not supporting herself and her son financially. Now she can't even begin to. I'm not made of money. I teach. She has been getting an allowance from DCS to help with living expenses. She hasn't paid me any rent from that in months. (That living allowance will be discontinued now, since she quit school.) She gets SSI for Elvis, too, but is still unable to pay the $300 a month rent she is supposed to pay. She has NO plans as to what she will do to support herself and her children. Her only answer is, "I don't know." That is sooooo frustrating! There have been a few times in the last couple of days that I really thought the answer (to my frustrations, anyway) was to just pack her stuff and send her on her merry way.

I've calmed a bit, though. As angry and hurt as I am, losing my daughter would hurt even more. She took off with Elvis Tuesday night and didn't come home. I worried all night. Yesterday, after two hours of exchanging text messages, she agreed to come back if we could not discuss the situation until after the holiday. So, here we are, not discussing the elephant we all know is in the room.

Honestly, I don't know how this situation will turn out. My emotions (and hers) are all over the place. She's determined to keep and raise this baby. The father says he will "help." (No, I'm not holding my breath on that one.) She's been with me not quite 5 years at this point. She may be chronologically 20 but she's no where near that emotionally. As much as I would like to at times, I just can't toss her out on her rear. Her life has been filled with adults who did just dump her when the going got tough. The first 15 year of her life were filled with abuse, neglect, and the role models that have gotten her into the shape she's in. (Her bio mom has 6 children by at least 3 different men. She only has custody of one.) Five good years with me doesn't undo what she witnessed/learned in her early years. We're going to have to find a way to make this work. Yes, she needs to learn responsibility and to prioritize her life. But, she also needs love and support. If she's on her own, bouncing from friend to friend, sleeping on any available couch, she'll learn to survive. However, I want more than survival for her and her kids. If I tossed her now, all the struggles from the last five years would have been for nothing. It's time for me to be the role model who doesn't berate her for mistakes. I need to be the one who supports her and helps get her life going in the right direction. Sounds good. I just hope I can do it. Maybe, just maybe, by her due date, we'll be excited to welcome a new little one into the world?