RIP computer

My ancient computer bit the dust...taking ALL my digital photos with it. I'm so sad. Alli cried when the repair guy told her that. She said these are the best 5 years of my life and now all the pics are gone. I'm really, really sad but I'll be okay. It could be worse. If the house had burned down, we'd be without pics and everything else. This way, we just lost the pics and learned a huge lesson. All future pics will be backed up twice and stored in a fireproof container.

So, I'm in the market for a new one. Dell offers a discount to educators, so I'll probably go that route. I've loved my last Dell and hope the new one will be good, too. The timing stinks - Christmas, new baby coming, Alli not working, etc. but we'll get by. We always do.

No news on the pregnancy front. Her next appointment is on my 40th birthday so I've taken the day off to go with her. I can either let this situation get me really down or I can accept that I have no say in this and get happy about the coming grandchild. It's not the path I'd have chosen for her but I love her and want the best for her.

Beth (the "forgotten child" of my blog) continues to be a blessing. I hardly ever mention her here but I love her dearly. She makes me laugh every day! She has been the bright spot in many of my recent dark days. I can spend time with her alone and forget for an hour or so about all the crap in my life. She's got a big dance coming up at school this weekend - it's called the Snow Ball and she's all excited. Sadly, her date got grounded for failing history but she's going anyway with a few friends and will have a blast, I'm sure.

Cori continues to cycle between depression and mania. Some days I think she's making ME bi-polar. She's been on her new med for a few weeks and I'm hoping for it to kick in and help some. I've had a long talk with her case worker and told her at this point, I don't feel it would be in Cori's best interest for me to adopt her. She needs more than I can give her. She's into things I just don't understand or know how to deal with. I don't think I can keep her safe. She's failing half her classes at school. Honestly, she's so angry sometimes that I'm scared of her. That keeps me from being an effective parent, as there are times I truly fear for my life. I'm not asking for her to be moved and I'm not saying I won't ever adopt her. I'm just saying that at this point, I will not finalize.