I found a letter addressed to me on my bed Saturday night. Cori had written two pages of all the things she thinks I've done wrong to her. I don't know how to or even if I should respond. She's not thinking clearly so I really think she will ignore/discount any attempt at explanation I might make. She said she doesn't know why I'm so mean to her. She said she has done everything I've asked of her and she has never done anything wrong. Should I respond point by point and give her my version of what happened? I could list the multiple rules she's broken, including the long distance phone calls she made last night, "because I wanted to." She just doesn't get that she can't do whatever she wants. She's convinced herself that whatever she wants to do is alright, just because she wants to do it. How do I convince her otherwise? Do I even attempt or just let her move on believing what she wants. I truly don't think that talking to her or even writing her back will do any good. Her thinking skills are so disordered that she just doesn't get it.
I called her case worker today but she didn't call me back. I'm guessing she won't call me back, either.
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Years of living with kids from the foster care system have made me a little nuts. Despite having adopted some kids, they constantly remind me, in so many little subversive ways, that I'm not the REAL momma and I never will be, no matter how hard I try.
About Me
Meet the Family
- Alli - 23 year old daughter. She came to me at 15 as an emergency foster placement. She had a 2 month old micro-preemie son at the time.
- Baby Blair - Daughter of Alli. Born at 21 weeks gestation, she lived just minutes but has had a huge impact on all our lives.
- Beth - 20 year old daugher. Bio sister of Alli. She came to me about a month before her 14th birthday. I legally adopted her when she was sixteen.
- Boy Wonder - 26 year old son-in-law (husband of Alli). He is the father of Baby Blair and Miss Piggy.
- Cori - 18 year old former foster daughter. I've been in and out of her life since she was 9. She was recently adopted by a family that lives far away but I still hear from her on a semi-regular basis.
- Elvis - My 7 year old grandson. Alli's son. He was born at 26 weeks gestation and spent 4 months in NICU. At 6, he's non-verbal, doesn't walk, and his arms don't work well, either. Despite all that, he's AWESOME!
- Me - 42 year old single foster/adoptive mom. I teach school by day and deal with my wonderful, wacky (wacko?) family in my off-hours.
- Miss Piggy - Daughter of Alli and Boy Wonder. She was born July 1, 2009. She's walking everywhere and loves to dance. Lately, she's really gotten into dolls, saying "Baby!" whenever she sees one.
- Spider-Pig - 21 year old boyfriend of Beth. He's lasted longer than most of her other boyfriends added together. We'll see where this relationship goes. (Thanks to Mongoose for giving him his blog name. He'd love it, I'm sure.)
- SpiderPiglet - 8 month old daughter of Beth and SpiderPig. She's cute as a button and starting to get really mobile.
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2 comments:
zoinks, what a mess! Steph
She is supposed to be moving soon, right? You are scared of her, right? I personally would not rock the boat. Tell her you read the letter and you are so sorry she feels that way. You never intended to hurt her feelings and you know she will be happier somewhere else. Tell her you get frustrated by her choice not to follow house rules and ask what you can do to help make this easier until she she leaves. I would be firm on the rules, best you can, but not let this get as big as she is hoping. Tell her you are proud of her for telling you her feelings and you hope she will do the same with her new family.
I would only get sucked in my the kids that were staying. Since you have a fear of this child I would make nice until she goes and push it along.
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