OK, it's the day after Alli's wedding. It's time to get back into life. I slept later today than I have the whole break. Of course, I was up playing the Wii at 2:00 this morning, so I'm no better rested but the day did start later. Beth is off with her bad-influence friend for a few minutes this afternoon. The friend is leaving tonight for her dad's out of state and I'm looking forward a few days without the female version of Rebel Without a Cause being in or around my house. It'll be nice to have Beth back for a few days. Cori is super-excited about her birthday tomorrow. That means the happy voices are talking in her head. That's a nice change, too.
Alli and Boy Wonder are headed home tomorrow. Beth and I are considering an April Fool's Day surprise for them. We're thinking we might cover every available surface of Alli's room (now "their" room, I guess) with Silly String. It might release a little stress to spray the stuff everywhere and it will be really, really funny.
I don't think I've addressed what our living situation will be now. Alli's room is huge. When the house was built, it was a two-car garage. The original owners converted it to an mother-in-law apartment for one of their mothers when she could no longer live alone. It's at the far end of the house from the rest of our bedrooms. You walk through our laundry room to access it from inside the house. Adjacent to her room is a room that has no name. It's used mainly for storage - freezer, access to the attic, huge cabinets/peg board storage for tools and pool chemicals. It also has has an outside door. We only use this room to store junk. It has no functional use to us. Beside that is what was a dark room for the original owners. It has a sink with a plywood base under it. Again, we only use this room to store junk that we really just need to toss. So, the plan is that this will become their apartment. The dark room will be the kitchen. (It has a fridge in there. I'll add a microwave and toaster oven for now.) The un-named room will be their "den" with the entrance, a small table and chairs, and maybe a futon down the road. The ginormous bedroom will be the main living area. It's furnished with a decent bedroom suite, two closets, and has the newly remodeled bathroom. Elvis will also share this space. Beth and I are hoping to create him a space of his own in Alli's room. We are trying to figure out some sort of room divider that will afford everyone some privacy but still allow for air flow.
For time being, (until the alcoholic carpenter finishes their bathroom) they will still have to come to our part of the house to use the facilities. After that, I plan on them living in their part and paying their rent on time. Their bathroom is almost done. I repainted it this weekend after the alcoholic carpenter made a few sheet rock repairs. I need to buy the trim and get it painted. I also need to buy the vanity. After he installs those, we'll need the million-dollar plumber to come back install the sink and toilet. And then Alli and Boy Wonder will be on their own.
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Years of living with kids from the foster care system have made me a little nuts. Despite having adopted some kids, they constantly remind me, in so many little subversive ways, that I'm not the REAL momma and I never will be, no matter how hard I try.
About Me
Meet the Family
- Alli - 23 year old daughter. She came to me at 15 as an emergency foster placement. She had a 2 month old micro-preemie son at the time.
- Baby Blair - Daughter of Alli. Born at 21 weeks gestation, she lived just minutes but has had a huge impact on all our lives.
- Beth - 20 year old daugher. Bio sister of Alli. She came to me about a month before her 14th birthday. I legally adopted her when she was sixteen.
- Boy Wonder - 26 year old son-in-law (husband of Alli). He is the father of Baby Blair and Miss Piggy.
- Cori - 18 year old former foster daughter. I've been in and out of her life since she was 9. She was recently adopted by a family that lives far away but I still hear from her on a semi-regular basis.
- Elvis - My 7 year old grandson. Alli's son. He was born at 26 weeks gestation and spent 4 months in NICU. At 6, he's non-verbal, doesn't walk, and his arms don't work well, either. Despite all that, he's AWESOME!
- Me - 42 year old single foster/adoptive mom. I teach school by day and deal with my wonderful, wacky (wacko?) family in my off-hours.
- Miss Piggy - Daughter of Alli and Boy Wonder. She was born July 1, 2009. She's walking everywhere and loves to dance. Lately, she's really gotten into dolls, saying "Baby!" whenever she sees one.
- Spider-Pig - 21 year old boyfriend of Beth. He's lasted longer than most of her other boyfriends added together. We'll see where this relationship goes. (Thanks to Mongoose for giving him his blog name. He'd love it, I'm sure.)
- SpiderPiglet - 8 month old daughter of Beth and SpiderPig. She's cute as a button and starting to get really mobile.
Blog Archive
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5 comments:
OK... I'm delurking to give you some "Alli" ideas... You could spoof them by filling the bed pillows with shaving cream, short sheed the bed, taking the slats out of the support of the bed, so that when they get in, it falls through, short sheet the bed, saran wrap the doorway so when they open the door (go back and forth with the saran wrap,) they can't walk throughfill the head of the shower with koolaid so when they turn it on, it sprays a color (like purple), change the salt and sugar in the shaker,) hang pictures upside down (takes skill,) unscrew all the bulbs but one in the light fixtures, those kind of pranks.
I used to be "fun" in college
Wow! You're good! I love those ideas. The kool aid in the shower head is my fave. I've never heard of that one.
woah... anonymous... do you have foster kids? Kids with FAE? I agree that she needs to help this child grow up, but this kid already came as a teenaged momma, and she's been working with her adoptive daughter from 15 on, not birth. My experience has been that coming alongside a teenage FAE kid works better than tossing them out and expecting them to "get it"... this kid didn't "get it" the first time when she got pregnant without the benefit of her own marriage, out of college, a great job, etc, she isn't going to "get it" easily - because there is a gap in cause and effect.
Don't judge this momma for trying to help this kid grow up when the kid makes bad misakes. You're just not walking in her shoes right now. I've learned that everytime I've said something as harsh as what I read in your post, I've goten to eat my words.
Finally, nowhere in her post does she say she's going to let the rent slide. That sounds like you've got a touchie button that is going off.
It might be best for everyone to step back and watch what is going on and then use this as object lessons for what they do not want to do/or do not want to do in their own home. Chances are we will all learn something from this.
One more thing... I let my daughter and son-in-law live in our home for a year after they married - rent-free. When they came home from their honeymoon, we didn't do any spoofing. Instead, to show our support, we made up their part of the house. (I have a basement apartment.) I bought a fancy meal at the local diner, candles for the table, which I set with their new tablecloth and dishes (that I washed), arranged their furniture, etc., made up the bed, turned out the stereo. When they came home, we left, so they could have some time alone getting used to the house as a "couple"...
I told the kids that I wanted them to put their rent money aside in a seperate account on the 1st of the month each month - they did it - and in a year they had a downpayment - not fantastic, but still, a downpayment of almost $10,000 to put down on a home. I was so proud of them. They now have a townhome, even though they are still college students. It was the best wedding gift I could give them. Of course, they saved the money, but I gave them rent-free home for a year. (That and a washer and dryer.)
Thanks, momma-o-minnie. (BTW, I'd love to read your blog, if you'd be so kind to invite me.) I've got to do what I think is best. I'm in counseling and getting lots of input from her right now. With her help, we've written up a rental agreement that we can live with. They can pay or they can go. Alli and Boy Wonder are adults and can do as they please.
My ONLY concern in this situation is Elvis. He's 5 years old, can't speak a word, can't feed himself a bite of food, can't move himself more than a few inches. He is as dependent as a person can get. His needs are hard for a mature, experienced mom to meet. An immature, inattentive mother has no chance. I've got to do my best to keep an eye on him. He can't tell anyone if/when there is a problem. I have got to stay as involved as I can to monitor his well-being. He didn't ask to be in this situation and can't do a single thing to make his needs known. God sent him my way for a reason. I've been entrusted with his care and I don't take that responsibility lightly.
With his frail health, minor neglect could lead to his death. I have to be able to know that I've done my BEST for him. He deserves that. I wouldn't be able to live with myself otherwise.
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