I've cried so much this evening, I think I'm dehydrated. My eyes are red and raw. My tongue is sticking to the roof of my mouth. Alli and I have finally talked. I feel better. She may feel worse. We'll see what tomorrow holds.
Beth had counseling this afternoon - her standing Wednesday afternoon appointment. It was almost time to go but Alli wasn't home and Beth had Elvis. I just left Beth at home with Elvis and took myself to her appointment. I started crying as soon as I made contact with the counselor. I stopped, for good, about 30 minutes ago. She met with me for an hour and a half. She felt Alli and I really needed to talk (duh) and decided to make it happen. She had me text Alli and ask her to meet me at her office at 7:00 tonight. Alli refused. After exchanging several more texts, I decided Alli wasn't going to change her mind and sent the counselor on to her dinner that she was already late for. I sat in her parking lot and continued texting Alli. She finally agreed to meet with us. I called the counselor's cell and got her voicemail. I left a message but didn't hear back from her. I knew who she was having dinner with so, I used my connections (my mom) and got the friend's cell number. She physically tracked down the counselor and she met us at her office at 7:30 PM. God bless her.
Things were awkward but we talked through several things. My biggest issue is still that I'm so insecure in my role as her mom when she has regular contact with her bio mom. Having only had one mom my whole life, I just don't see the need for two. We talked through her wedding plans and have agreed to disagree. She's getting married on Sunday. I'm spending Sunday lying across my bed crying. At least we each know where the other one stands. She's an adult and can make those decisions and I have the right to be hurt. We worked our way though several other things. We left a little before 9:00 PM. I'm exhausted - physically and emotionally.
And, to top everything else off...I've painted my bedroom booger green.
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Years of living with kids from the foster care system have made me a little nuts. Despite having adopted some kids, they constantly remind me, in so many little subversive ways, that I'm not the REAL momma and I never will be, no matter how hard I try.
About Me
Meet the Family
- Alli - 23 year old daughter. She came to me at 15 as an emergency foster placement. She had a 2 month old micro-preemie son at the time.
- Baby Blair - Daughter of Alli. Born at 21 weeks gestation, she lived just minutes but has had a huge impact on all our lives.
- Beth - 20 year old daugher. Bio sister of Alli. She came to me about a month before her 14th birthday. I legally adopted her when she was sixteen.
- Boy Wonder - 26 year old son-in-law (husband of Alli). He is the father of Baby Blair and Miss Piggy.
- Cori - 18 year old former foster daughter. I've been in and out of her life since she was 9. She was recently adopted by a family that lives far away but I still hear from her on a semi-regular basis.
- Elvis - My 7 year old grandson. Alli's son. He was born at 26 weeks gestation and spent 4 months in NICU. At 6, he's non-verbal, doesn't walk, and his arms don't work well, either. Despite all that, he's AWESOME!
- Me - 42 year old single foster/adoptive mom. I teach school by day and deal with my wonderful, wacky (wacko?) family in my off-hours.
- Miss Piggy - Daughter of Alli and Boy Wonder. She was born July 1, 2009. She's walking everywhere and loves to dance. Lately, she's really gotten into dolls, saying "Baby!" whenever she sees one.
- Spider-Pig - 21 year old boyfriend of Beth. He's lasted longer than most of her other boyfriends added together. We'll see where this relationship goes. (Thanks to Mongoose for giving him his blog name. He'd love it, I'm sure.)
- SpiderPiglet - 8 month old daughter of Beth and SpiderPig. She's cute as a button and starting to get really mobile.
Blog Archive
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2 comments:
You poor thing. Booger green? I suppose it is too much work to fix it so you will live with this mistake for the rest of your life. Probably not but Alli will forever regret her decision. I am sorry she is being stubborn.
I hope you are able to work through your insecurities, I know it can be very difficult for some women not to be the only Mother. (I mean that in the kindest way.) It rarely gets to me now but it really bothers my DH when our DD, Emma, talks about her Father. He is deeply hurt at the thought of her having contact with him after he is released. He has all these fears that bubble up about having to share her. Meanwhile, I talk to her Mother daily and they spend time together here and at her house and I am more than fine with it, I pushed it to be this open. I wish I knew why it was so hard on some but easier on others. I will be htinking of you Sunday.
First off, Pesto sounds much lovlier than Booger Green, and that's how I'm thinking of it. At least until you blog that you have painted it pea soup green or artichoke green.
I can imagine this pain, because I sometimes have some qualms (jealousy?) even when my siblings go to their in-laws' houses for holidays instead of spending them with "our family." Maybe I'm the possessive type. I imagine it might be similar but a lottt worse. :-(
One story I thought I'd share is that my husband's cousin did something similar to his parents' - and they were his natural parents. The cousin (a guy) and his girlfriend told their siblings and parents they were getting married "in a couple of weeks" in Las Vegas (they lived in Michigan) and that they wanted to do it alone except for one couple they were friends with. They specifically asked that no one else plan to come. This was shocking to me (a cousin-in-law!), but I noticed that his parents were basically OK with it. They said "we're surprised, but congratulations, send us photos, are you registered for gifts?" I wouldn't have been OK with this if it were MY kids, but I have to say the behavior of his parents made me see that it wasn't necessarily a rejection of the family. My husband's cousin DID send photos, and he and his wife remain on close terms with his parents!
Side note: this cousin's sister chose to have a BIG wedding, and we all went to that. So Beth could make another choice, and you could be wearing a booger-green mother-of-the-bride dress in the future!
*virtual lemonade to rehydrate*
- April
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