Hostile Momma

The weekend is here and our house is just a barrel of laughs - NOT!

We picked Cori up from school yesterday. She was silent all the way home, not even responding to direct greetings or questions. When we pulled into the driveway, she asked if we could talk. Beth took off into the house and Cori and I sat in the car. She said, "You used to be someone I could look up to." I didn't know what she expected me to say to that. I waited a second before saying, "I haven't changed. You chose to break the rules. You will have to deal with the consequences. You knew when you put that word on your myspace what the consequences would be, didn't you?" She screamed, "I'm not talking about that!" When I asked what she was talking about, she screamed, "NEVER MIND!" and took off into the house. She spent a few hours in her room throwing things and screaming (and, no doubt, cutting). Then she came out and asked if a friend could spend the night. WTH? Um, no. She can come over for a few hours on Saturday but no overnights. So, she's up way too early this morning, pretending to clean the house. I'm not helping at all.

Beth is a little better. We got some time to talk Thursday night and she settled down. I assured her she was a good kid and doing well but everyone screws up from time-to-time and there were consequences for those screw-ups. She cried and pouted (and argued) just a bit more but came around. She was pleasant the rest of the evening and yesterday before and after school. She still has her permit and she drove home from school. (She's really nervous about driving so this is good.) Cori was staying at school late so we stopped at Quizno's for Beth's favorite snack. She was on the phone a lot last night (after the free nights and weekends minutes started) and I did hear her telling different people she was grounded this weekend. Overall, she was sweet and helpful. Thank goodness because I couldn't handle bitchy and pouty from anyone else. My feelings are still really hurt by the whole "real mom" thing but I can't talk to her about that just yet. I guess because I really do expect her to go to her bio mom's when she turns 18 in a few short months and I just don't want to face that yet.

Which brings me to Alli. It's been a month since Blair died. I really think she needs to be back in the real world. She spends her days doing nothing and her evenings with Boy Wonder. I barely see her but she still lives here and I'm still supporing her. And, that brought me to my breaking point last night. Her bathroom repair has gotten way out of hand - one problem lead to another and a quick floor repair is going to end up being $2,000 probably. Not her fault, I know. However, she's not paying rent. She's not paying for her cell phone. She contributes NOTHING to the family income and yet takes a LOT. She still has WIC vouchers from her pregnancy. I called the WIC office and told them the situation. They said that they continue the vouchers through a post-partum time and for her to go ahead and use the vouchers she had left. (That was one for January, two for February, and one for March.) I didn't even mention the January one to her since Blair died at the end of the month I knew she would not be able to use it before it expired. I waited until mid-February and started asking her to go use one voucher. She didn't. She'd say she would but didn't do it. This week we were running out of time and I renewed my efforts, asking her to use both February vouchers. I even offered to watch Elvis while she shopped. Again, she'd say ok but never got it done. Yesterday was the last day. I asked in the morning to do it. She said yes. I texted her after school. "Shoot, I forgot. I'll do them tonight." She came home from Boy Wonder's about 9:00 last night. She was just too tired. Pissed.me.off! I'm bleeding money (a lot of it for her bathroom) and she can't spend 20 minutes in a grocery to help me out? I just don't get it.

Bottom line is, I'm tired of being the only one who seems to want to keep this family together. If they don't want to be in my family - fine. I can't stop them from going. However, it's time to stop them from using me. They have either got to be in or out. My feelings count and they don't seem to know this or care. I'm not going to keep knocking myself out to do things for them if they are not going to "show up" physically or emotionally. I'm tired of being hurt and sad. I don't respond well to threats. It's going to be hard but I'm going to learn to stand up for myself! Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me. It's going to take some time but I'm on my way!