Unexpected guests today

I heard a car in the driveway and looked out to see an unfamiliar car. I couldn't see the driver, as she'd gotten out and was leaning in the back seat. I continued watching and was happy to realize she was removing a small boy from the back seat and the driver was a former (long-term) foster daughter! She was with me for over 4 years (51 months, to be exact) and she left right at 5 years ago to be adopted. She was 15 and a half when she left. I took two days off work to cry.

She didn't disappear from my life when she got adopted. She stayed in our county and Alli saw her at school every day. She came home with us a couple of times after school. She invited us to her new house for cookouts, horseback riding, and her 16th birthday party. Things didn't go as well for her as I hoped. Her new parents were not used to dealing with kids from the system. She really needed more supervision. She turned out okay but she didn't get her high school diploma, which I really think she should have.

The small boy with her was her 13 month old son. I saw him when she was still in the hospital after having him and then a couple more times, the last one being early last summer. After that, they just disappeared. She reappeared today, just as unexpectedly. She has little/no contact with her adoptive parents. She's made some allegations involving the father but I don't know how much truth they hold. She's back involved with her bio mom. She's held a variety of low-paying jobs but none for very long. She's bounced through a vast array of living arrangements.

It was good to see her but it made me sad, too. Is this what the future holds for many kids adopted as teens? I have to admit that I fear it happening with mine. I've tried so hard to show them how good life can be when armed with the right tools - education, family, God, hard work, etc. They can verbalize what they need to do. However, when it comes to carrying the plan out, they seem to falter. It's too easy to slip back into their "old" world where things are fun and no one tells them they should be doing better. Why is that? They have certainly enjoyed the benefits of life with me. Why can't they see with just a little bit of self-control and effort, they can have that for themselves, too? Do they not think they deserve it?