just to live my life. Blogging about it can be too hard. This is one of those times. I've put it off but need to get it off my chest now. Perhaps typing it will help me let go of the anger.
Alli and Boy Wonder left at 4:00 this morning for the beach. Why does this anger me? First, they didn't even tell me that they were going until Thursday afternoon. (And, she didn't actually tell me. She texted me. This was the entire message: "I think we are leaving for the beach Saturday." That's all.) Second, Elvis did not go with them. Third, Alli's birthday is Monday and they'll be gone for it.
So, here I sit. I have Elvis full-time. (That's not horrible. I was really concerned they would treat him badly while they were gone. However, it really ties me down.) I hate knowing they've had this planned for two weeks and I get less than two days notice. Those things annoy me but it's not what makes me so upset. It's the part about missing her birthday that really makes me sad.
Birthdays are a BIG thing around here. Alli and Beth both have birthdays in early June and we started making plans in late April. Per their request, each girl was to have her own pool party on or near her actual birthday. In the days between them, they were going to have a joint party for any bio family members they wanted to invite. (Both are having significant birthdays this year - 18 and 21. I just seemed to be the thing to do.) Anyway, they scoured the Oriental Trading catalog and chose assorted decorations/novelties/junk to go with a luau theme to be used for all 3 parties. Now, there is no Alli. I know she's an adult and can decide what to do on her birthday but she should have given me more notice. Letting me plan and order all that crap for a party she wasn't going to attend was just the icing on the cake for my relationship with her lately.
She has not attended even ONE family event since Boy Wonder joined our lives. No Easter, no Memorial Day. She was here on Mother's Day but stayed inside with BW's family while all the rest of us were outside. Immediately after eating, she left to go to his mom's house for the rest of the day. She's made a point (extreme points) to exclude me from any type of celebrations - her wedding and now her 21st birthday. However, I'm fully expected to pitch in with any difficulties - illnesses, hospitalizations, keeping Elvis a lot. Having her cake and eating it, too, so to speak.
I'm done. As of right now, I'm planning to ignore her birthday all together. If she says anything, I'll simply remind her she chose not to be here for it. We'll continue with plans for Beth's birthday (as well as my brother's and aunt's). The bio family party will not happen. (Beth wasn't really excited about that anyway. I feel abused enough without doing something I know will cause me more pain.) So, I'm taking a stand on this one. It's about time. I feel a little immature and childish but that's where I am right now.
And, oh yeah, the doctor fully expects her to miscarry this bizarre pregnancy this week. I haven't experienced that myself but I wouldn't expect it to be fun, even at the beach.
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5 comments:
Well, as someone who has read your blog for a few months, I have to say that the Alli's 21st birthday with luau decorations going unused reminds me of the Easter with candy going ungiven. :-(
Boundaries are a good way of protecting yourself while letting other people know where you stand. I personally think this is a good way to preserve and re-set your relationship with your daughter as she figures out how to be a daughter and a mother now that she is a wife and a legal adult.
(Hugs)
- April
I think it is about time, you have endured enough. I get mad sitting here reading how you LET her treat you. Only you can change this, I wish I could help but you alone can set these boundaries. It seems as if you don't feel good enough and are always trying too hard to please her. She is at an age that they do alot of push/pull trying to make themselves adults but this has seems to have more to do with your need to maintain your rightful place. Based on your blog, you are a terrific mother but you somehow have lost you in this turmoil of a relationship. Demand the respect you deserve. You DO deserve it, you have bent over backwards, as any mother would, for her. She should respect you enough to ASK for your assistance. You are being used. SHe may pull away but she will come back. She is being completely unfair to you and your grandson.
I'd be damned if she would have left the kid with me on two days notice. And what is she on vacation from? She doesn't have a job to pay for this trip AND her cellphone.
She is technically paying Beth to watch Elvis. She's paying well - $100 a day. However, since Beth already had plans for these days, I told her to agree to keep him and I'd split the duty and the money with her. Beth and I both feel better with him here where we can make sure he's okay. And, I plan to use my share of the money to help finish her bathroom, getting me that much closer to freedom.
In the meantime, Alli texted Beth this afternoon and told her she was spotting. I'm guessing the miscarriage has begun?
you're a saint....is she still on your cell plan?
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