About an hour after our text exchanges about the rules and expectations last night, I got this text from Beth:
"(BFF) and them arent' going to the beach ne more. So i was gunna be gone this week ne ways. So i think i should be able to stay this week with her. I'll come home wen she's at work. How does that sound?"
(BFF and family had invited Beth to go to the beach with them. They'd have left today and come back Saturday. I had approved that trip but they had some things come up and can't go - BFF's grandmother had surgery and BFF's brother has a college registration thing.)
I didn't respond to that text and about an hour later I got THIS text:
"I'm going to sleep good night i love you. Just think about what i told you and i'll text you when i wake up. I love you."
Umm, WTH? Me - think about what she told me? I THINK NOT! She may be legally an adult but I must have missed the part where she's suddenly in charge.
It's going to be a looooong summer.
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Years of living with kids from the foster care system have made me a little nuts. Despite having adopted some kids, they constantly remind me, in so many little subversive ways, that I'm not the REAL momma and I never will be, no matter how hard I try.
About Me
Meet the Family
- Alli - 23 year old daughter. She came to me at 15 as an emergency foster placement. She had a 2 month old micro-preemie son at the time.
- Baby Blair - Daughter of Alli. Born at 21 weeks gestation, she lived just minutes but has had a huge impact on all our lives.
- Beth - 20 year old daugher. Bio sister of Alli. She came to me about a month before her 14th birthday. I legally adopted her when she was sixteen.
- Boy Wonder - 26 year old son-in-law (husband of Alli). He is the father of Baby Blair and Miss Piggy.
- Cori - 18 year old former foster daughter. I've been in and out of her life since she was 9. She was recently adopted by a family that lives far away but I still hear from her on a semi-regular basis.
- Elvis - My 7 year old grandson. Alli's son. He was born at 26 weeks gestation and spent 4 months in NICU. At 6, he's non-verbal, doesn't walk, and his arms don't work well, either. Despite all that, he's AWESOME!
- Me - 42 year old single foster/adoptive mom. I teach school by day and deal with my wonderful, wacky (wacko?) family in my off-hours.
- Miss Piggy - Daughter of Alli and Boy Wonder. She was born July 1, 2009. She's walking everywhere and loves to dance. Lately, she's really gotten into dolls, saying "Baby!" whenever she sees one.
- Spider-Pig - 21 year old boyfriend of Beth. He's lasted longer than most of her other boyfriends added together. We'll see where this relationship goes. (Thanks to Mongoose for giving him his blog name. He'd love it, I'm sure.)
- SpiderPiglet - 8 month old daughter of Beth and SpiderPig. She's cute as a button and starting to get really mobile.
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2 comments:
FWIW, in high school--especially the summer between junior and senior year--Sarah and I spent six out of seven nights w/ each other, easily. Our family rule was X night at home every week alone, no guests. Other than that, for the summer, we could pretty much have friends over or go there, etc.
Ask yourself why you're putting the limit on her time--is it for a specific reason or are you just doing it to put a rule on her?
Honestly, Heather seems nice and you like the gparents, so I'd probably figure out a way to let her 'earn' the additional time and make it a reward that she can get easily.
Choose the battles and make them count.
I've offered 3 nights a week with the friend here. I can't offer 3 nights a week of Beth there. That's the grandparents' place, not mine.
I guess I'm not totally sure she's at H's house. I can't figure out what the draw is. They pretty much have free reign here, as long as the basic house rules are followed.
She's just not doing a single thing here. Chores going undone. Room's a wreck. She's still a member of this family. Being a member has certain responsibilities and by her being gone so much, she's not meeting them.
Honestly, on the nights she sleeps here, she gets home at curfew and is often up and gone within 12 hours - usually less. Requiring her to spend the night here isn't helping but I do get to at least check in with her.
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