On to the next phase of my life

As the saying goes, "No good deed goes unpunished." That has hit home to me especially hard this week. I got the following email from the licensing worker at our county foster agency:

"Hello (ME),
We haven't spoke since your last placement left and at that time I understood you wanted to take a rest. I realize you have done a lot for your children and still continue too. I know dealing with children can be very frustrating and stressful while still in the same breath they can be very fulfilling for you. But with all you are doing I don't want to be the cause of making your home unstable due over working you with more placements. This could just be overwhelming especially with school now starting back. I thought a true break from DCS fostering might be in the best interest for you. You know you must take care of yourself first to so that you can care for others. I am wondering if you would like to close your home for now so I don't add to your stress with more children placements (because you know we would overwork you). You would have the option to have us re-evaluate your home again within the next two years if you decided you were ready to take this on again with out having to go back thru (foster parent classes). If you could let me know ASAP since I am due to re-assess and visit your home but if you wish to close this could be avoided.
Sincerely,
Xxxxxxxxxxxx"

As I read this email, several things came to mind. I wasn't due for my foster home reassessment until November. And, they never get it done on time so that part just didn't ring true. I emailed him back and told him that I hadn't intended to close my home. I'd only asked for a few months break after Cori left. However, reading between the lines, I felt something else was really up and I asked if he was actually just giving me the chance to close my home before they closed it for me. Here is his response to my question:

"Hello (ME),
I appreciate your willingness to consider your home closure and I really do think a good rest from all the drama is what is called for here. With the last placement there arose a S.I.U. investigation and caused a lot of stress for you, your family, FSW and the children, so, I do feel an extended break would help heal all. I know you have dealt with a lot over the years and this would take a toll on any one. Without over stating everything, yes, I do believe it is in everyone's best interest for you to close your home for at least one year. After this break from fostering and getting your household settled in (and giving your children a break form the stresses of fostering) if you feel you want to reopen, you could give me a call and I could go about reopening your home. If we do this within two years you wouldn't have to retake (foster parent classes) and this way you wouldn't have to continue taking the 15+ training hours that are required.
So let me know what you think.
Thanks,
Xxxxxxxx"

My response to the second email was just two letters..."OK"

I'm not going to fight them. They'd win. I have no doubt about that. And, I really think I was through fostering. I hadn't planned on taking any more kids. I just wasn't sure I was ready to close my home. I love the part about the investigation causing a lot of stress for me and my family, as this email was the very first time I'd heard about the investigation. Stressful, huh?

I've really let this get me down this week and I hate that. I just don't like that they think less of me because of false allegations made by an already disturbed teenager. A child that I fought to have returned to my home because NOT ONE SINGLE FAMILY IN THE WHOLE STATE would take her in. I had to go to 3 separate court hearings in another county to get approval for her to be placed in my home with other kids. I spent hours writing safety plans and hauling her to out-of-town counseling appointments. My relationships with my other kids deteriorated badly because she was such an expert at dividing people and pitting them against each other. And, it was all for nothing. As soon as she realized I wasn't going to finalize her adoption, the smear campaign started. In the past, when she lied about the DCS workers, it was just "the rantings of a troubled girl." The minute it became about me (taking the heat off them), every word from her mouth was considered the gospel. By blaming me, the workers are off the hook and they can tell her next family that "it was all the fault of the previous foster parent."

OK (there are those two letters again), the whining is over and it's time to start looking forward to things I can do in my life with all my free time. (LOL! Free at last, free at last, Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!!!!!!!!!!) I'll start the list. Please feel free to add suggestions in the comments section!

#1 Get myself in better shape - lose weight, become more active

#2 Do a better job of educating my students. When my home life is in disarray, it affects my job, too. This school year is going to rock!

#3 Get my house in better shape and keep it that way.

#4 Find a hobby and actually do it

#5 Have a life that doesn't revolve around the comings and goings of foster kids. I can actually make plans and buy tickets for things that are more than 2 weeks in the future!

#6 Un-childproof my house. I'll never again have to struggle with a kiddie lock. I can leave dangerous chemicals and medicines in plain view all over my house.

Ok (two letters, again, LOL), folks. Take over from here. What are the good things about not being a foster parent any more? Come on, I know you have suggestions!