5 years

Dear Alli,

I'm sitting up late tonight writing you this letter. In just a few short hours, you will have officially been in my home for a full 5 years. You are the first to stay this long. Others came close. I've been involved with Cori for almost 6 years but she's come and gone during that time. I think Anna was here for about 4 years, 3 months, but you are the only one to be here for 5 solid years. Oh, what a 5 years it has been.

I clearly remember the day that the DCS worker called me about you. We were home on a snow day. It was late in the afternoon and she was desperate to find somewhere to put you. She briefly ran down your history (which sounded horrible, by the way). She told me you had a premature baby in NICU. She said she expected you to stay about 10 days - just long enough for them to clear your biological mother to take custody of you. I already had 3 foster kids. I don't have a clue as to why I said yes, but after a few minutes of thinking and praying, I did.

30 minutes later you were dropped on my doorstep by the first in a string of revolving DCS workers that would be in charge of your life. You came with nothing but the clothes on your back. Not even a coat in the single digit temperatures. You had no other clothes, no toiletries - none of the usual trappings of the multiple 15 year old girls who'd been dropped off with me over the years. The worker pushed you through the door, as she was in a hurry to get home. I had no clue at the time what your arrival would mean in my life. She was shoving my daughter through the door. I just didn't know it at the time.

The first few days, weeks, even months, were those of a typical foster placement. We drove back and forth as often as we could to visit Elvis in the NICU. We rounded up clothes for you and him. You started back to school and seemed to enjoy it. You did some sneaking around. I busted you for some of it. I'm sure missed many other things. You had a few visits with your biological family. I met your bio mom, her new baby, your interesting brothers. You had regular visits with them at first. Your plans for the future often started with, "When I go to live with my momma, I'll...."

And yet, as time went on, those visits stopped for valid reasons. At first, you asked why the visits stopped but you didn't seem upset they had stopped. We brought Baby Elvis home from the hospital on his 4 month birthday. Our world turned upside down! Neither of us had ever been solely responsible for a newborn. Not only did he have the usual baby issues to deal with but he had the added issues from being so premature. There were medicines to give and appointments to make. Trying to make him eat seemed almost impossible. And yet, together, we figured out a system and got it done. I guess that was the beginning of our bonding. Otherwise, we might have killed each other. Do you remember the griping over who's turn it was to wash his bottles?

Other foster kids came and went during that time. Some left for adoptive homes. Others turned 18 and thought they knew it all. You were the constant in my life. Gradually, your talk of the future turned from "When I go to live with my mom" to "I'm staying here forever." I assured you at the time that you would not be here forever, but you could stay as long as you needed. More kids came and went. You still had limited contact with some of your bio family, but "my" family became "our" family. I wouldn't want it any other way! When I wasn't even looking, you became mine.

Things didn't always go smoothly. We certainly had our bumps along the way. In the end, though, you were worth every minute of it! I'm actually amazed we've made it though 5 years without butting heads more than we did. I can literally count on one hand the number of times we have raised our voices at each other. I remember them all in detail because they were such rare occurrences. I'm guessing not many moms of teenage girls can say the same.

And, now, we've reached a crossroads in our relationship. Big changes are coming. I'm sure we'll need more than two hands to count our disagreements in the coming days. I know from experience that things will get much worse before they get better. Learning to love you was the easy part. Learning to let go hurts horribly. I just hope that sometime in the not-so-distant future, we'll have a good relationship again.

Thanks for putting up with me. Seems like no one else could stand me for 5 years. I'm glad you did!

I love you,
ME