Happy 2008?

We had a good New Year's Eve. Nothing exciting, but traditional for us. Traditions are good for kids who come from foster care. So often, their holiday memories involve drinking, fighting, and very little worth remembering. There was certainly no continuity from year to year. Things are very predictable here around the holidays for that very reason. New Year's Eve is pizza fondue, board games, and sparkling grape juice at midnight. We did have fun. The game of the evening was "Imaginiff." I highly recommend it. It provides lots of opportunities to talk during the play of the game. Alli even told her...whatever we are calling the father of her baby...that we were playing a game and she'd call him when we were done. This is HUGE because she seems to be talking/texting him constantly. New Year's Day is chicken and dumplings, black eyed peas, cornbread, and cabbage. (Yes, we are southern and proud of it - LOL!) The kids have all headed to Wal-Mart, claiming boredom. In truth, the gift cards they got for Christmas were burning holes in their pockets. Fine by me. I'm home alone about 1 hour a year, total. I've learned to enjoy the peace.

So, here we are. The very first day of a brand new year. So many opportunities lie ahead. So many resolutions to make and break. I'm oddly sad today. I think most of it relates to Alli and the fact that I fully expect her to move in with the father of her baby (and his mother, his two adult brothers, and a cousin). This is never anyone she's considered a "boyfriend." He's her "friend with benefits." They are "dating" now. Seems a little late but they don't listen to me anyway. It breaks my heart that she expects men to treat her this way. She's all about keeping him happy, losing herself in the process. She experienced every type of abuse as a child. She's living proof that that abuse affects kids' lives forever. I don't think he really wants a lasting relationship with her. It's almost like he's staking his claim...trying to pull her from her family and "win" for lack of a better description. I'm so sad because Alli is the one who will lose. This is how it's been for most of her life.

Cori seems to have settled down for a few days. (After the week of spontaneous vomiting, that's a really good thing.) I was at the end of my rope with her. I still don't feel that I can adopt this child and I feel horrible about that. However, I find myself angry at her a lot. That is not a healthy atmosphere for her to be in. Her adoption worker and DCS caseworker fully expect to call me tomorrow and have me tell them to schedule the court date for the adoption. I can't....God forgive me, I just can't.