Still alive

Alli did finally, after receiving a scathing myspace message from my SIL, tell me (via a myspace message) that she is getting married. Here's a slightly edited copy of that message:

"I love you very very much. I'm so sorry for how I have treated you. You have been there for me when my real mom never was. You never left my side when I was in the hospital. You even slept on the freakin floor so you could be there with me. You watched me give birth to my beautiful baby girl. I watched you hold your dead granddaughter and listened to you talk about how pretty she was and what your favorite part about her was. You take care of Elvis when I don't think I can anymore. (I know I don't have the patience i used to) I couldn't ask for anyone better.

I know you'll never give up on me. I guess i just keep expecting you to because everyone else has. I know that you will support whatever it is that I do no matter how ridiculous you think it might be. I feel like I got a second chance at having a life when I came to live here. I want to make you proud of me. I'm going to make something of myself. You'll see. I love you so much. Thanks for being there for me for the past 5 years. With out you I don't know what I would do.

I'm gonna go back to work and I'm going to start paying you rent again. Honestly I'm terrified to go back. I m scared I wont be able to keep myself together long. That's why I have been putting it off for so long. I know you have spent a lot of money on me. I'm sorry I flunked out last semester. I didn't go to school because I was on bed rest. If I had told you I was pregnant we probably could have gotten around that.

I'm going to marry Boy Wonder. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you to your face. I know that you support me no matter what. Like (SIL) told me, that was pretty shitty. I love you and I'm sorry for every thing:( "

So, there we are. She's been made aware of my feelings and apologized. Where, exactly, we go from here, I don't know. The first 15 years of her life can't be undone. However, I can't switch to her way of thinking, either. We've got to find a way to meet in the middle if our relationship is to continue.

I'm still oddly okay with them marrying. Well, maybe not okay but not devastated, either. The Serenity Prayer keeps running through my mind and I guess that helps. There is truly nothing I can do in this situation, other than to accept her decision. I just wish, if they are going to do this, they'd do it here or, at least, invite us. How sad they feel the need to run off and do it alone. It's not the end of the world (for me, anyway - LOL).

Cori is still here. Her worker is obviously dodging me, as she hasn't returned my calls or emails. I'm still counting on respite to start next Monday. I'll likely be suicidal - maybe homicidal? - if they don't keep up their end of the bargain. I NEED that break...more than they could ever know. She's actually levelled off some. I guess since she knows she leaving. Her big thing now is to totally soak the bathroom when she showers. (Of course, compared to the spontaneous vomiting and the cutting, a wet bathroom floor is nothing!) I refuse to correct her, since she knows exactly what she's doing. She's waiting for the reaction and I refuse to give it to her. (When I report I've broken a hip sliding on the wet bathroom floor, feel free to remind me of that decision.)

Beth has her ups and downs but continues to be a good kid. She's in a mood tonight. All she says is there is drama at school. Luckily, tomorrow is the kids' last day of school until April 7th. Perhaps the drama will have subsided by then.

While the kids are out after tomorrow, I have to survive Thursday, too. Those are the longest days in the whole school year. They will trap us in meetings all day and act like the info they are presenting is going to make or break us. To us, it feels like they are just finding ways to torture so we appreciate the break a little more. Whatever, the true purpose of the teacher training day, it will feel like it lasts 15 hours but, the feeling when it's over and we've survived is out of this world!