3 weeks

It's been 3 weeks since Blair was born and died. We still have a few things unfinished in regards to her. First, she's in need of a grave marker. The funeral home was awesome and did the service and burial for their costs, I'm sure. I kept thinking how nice that was of them to do all that for so little money. Now I know why - They stick it to you with the grave marker. They loan you the use of a temporary grave marker for 21 days. After that, they remove it and tell you if you want her grave marker, you have to buy a marker from their nifty little catalog. The cheapest (and ugliest) marker in there is $1,100! It's like a used car pitch. They see these young parents and play on their emotions. "You don't want her to have a grave without a marker, do you?" I know it's a business and they are there to make money but for the grave marker to cost more than twice the cost of the whole funeral and burial seems a bit much. The temporary marker will be removed on Wednesday and it's killing Alli to think about her there without a marker.

The other thing I need to deal with is this box. I had resisted the urge to buy the pink, frilly clothes I'd been waiting years to buy...until 2 days before Alli went into the hospital. I'd caved and ordered several cute little girl summer outfits in various sizes. The box was delivered on the day of her funeral. In fact, we came home from the funeral to find it sitting on our door step. The box has just been sitting in my room. I thought about just marking it "Refused. Return to sender" and sending it back. However, there are a couple of things in there that weren't for Blair. There is a teether for Elvis and a Root-View growing kit for my classroom in there. My mom then offered to open it, give me the non-Blair items, and return the rest but that doesn't seem right, either. I bought them for Blair. They are Blair's. My plan for this week is to open that box. For what ever reason, I feel like I need to do it. I don't know what I'll do with the clothes. Perhaps as time heals us a little, I can pass them on to a friend's baby or even donate to our Crisis Pregnancy Center. Or maybe they'll still be hanging in the back of my closet when I'm dead and gone.