Let me assure you that I am that person, too. Until Deb joined us, I've never left a child in respite while we went on vacation. When I called her worker a few weeks back to tell her of my decision, she had me repeat it 3 times saying, "You never use respite. I needed to make sure I was hearing you right." I treat my foster kids like I treat all members of my family. This child has made me reconsider my decision. She is still a member of the family but she has different needs.
She is a full-time job. She's never still and never quiet. She thrives on routine and order. I'm that way in my real life but on vacation, I want to be the total opposite. If I want to sleep until 10:00 AM and then eat pizza for breakfast, I will. My other kids are totally able to go with the flow and enjoy breaking the "rules" on vacations. Deb not only doesn't appreciate the lack of structure, it actually makes her uncomfortable. She expresses this discomfort by increasing her anxiety which leads to lots of screaming, physical aggression, and lots of loud curse words. None of these are good things during any part of my life but when staying in base housing on a military base, they are even worse. My neighbors here are used to my kids and their....eccentricities. Military families transitioning between bases aren't so understanding.
I've taken this child to the beach TWICE this summer. Both times, she couldn't hold it together. She was miserable and made everyone else miserable in the process. (Misery evidently really does love company.) She'll be much happier in the respite home. They know her. She likes them. They have several kids with special needs and will adhere to the schedule that makes her feel so secure, even without me there. We'll lay around the vacation place and do what we want, when we want without fear of a six-hour rampage because we didn't leave for the beach at 10:15 AM on the dot.
We'll come home Sunday and get her from the respite family. She'll have lots of tales to tell us. We'll bring her a t-shirt and some school supplies (don't laugh, that's her obsession) and all will be well. I'll be rested and ready to resume being her mom. That is what I missed during my first decade of fostering. I've learned that sometimes, I really do need to do something for me. I don't do it often, but this is okay. I'll be a better mom for taking this time.
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1 comment:
I completely agree, respite can be a good thing for both Mom and child.
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