Beth's been 18 for less than a week and the testing of the rules has already started. She and her BFF think they need to spend every minute together. As a result, Beth would like to be at her house all the time. I imposed limits - you can spend two nights a week at her house, she can spend two nights a week here. That's four out of every seven nights that they are together. I think that's plenty. On the other days/nights, they can still go out together. Beth just needs to be home by curfew (10:30 Sunday-Thursday, 11:00 Friday and Saturday). I don't see a problem with that.
Beth just texted and asked to spend the night with BFF. I said yes but reminded her that she'd be home the next five nights. She doesn't want to. How am I supposed to respond to that? I know she's just spoiling for a fight to have a reason to move out. Everyone will feel sorry for her if I'm "mean" to her and "kick her out." That would be her version of events if she moves out because I made her spend three nights a week at home without her friend.
So, I didn't really respond to her. I'm not planning to give her the fight she's looking for. I restated the rules. She asked why. I re-restated the rules. I'm not going to argue. Rules are rules. She may have been born 18 years ago but she's more like a 13 year old on many levels. She's going to do what she's going to do. I can't stop her. (I can stop her phone service if she's not home.)
She's 18. She has no license. (She's stopped taking her ADD meds. I don't think she can focus on driving enough to be safe. I won't take her for her license.) She has no education. (She just finished her junior year with grades of 70, 70, 72, and 52. I honestly think she'd failed two of the classes but the teachers gave her 70s so they didn't have her again next year.) She has no job skills. And yet, she knows it all.
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2 comments:
Personally I wouldn't stop her phone service, just her texting service... that's painful for kids. And I would tell her that if she goes over "X" minutes, THEN she loses her phone... it's amazing how fast things turn around at my house when I do that...
I have a 19 year old who could be your daughter's twin.
Ditto here - my 18 1/2 yo isn't really testing us too much (because of her age), but in so...many other ways. She never failed a class in her life before this (supposedly her senior) year. I think she only passed art this year - she didn't do any of the work in any of her other classes at all. In spite of that, she could have still graduated had she passed Government - which she flunked both semesters. Now she has no diploma (and no clue how to get one), a 17 hr/week job at a roller rink and no license because I wouldn't take her to get her test until she improved her grades. Hmmmm...yet she seems pretty darn happy (for her anyway) - actually way happier than during the school year. It makes you wonder what the future will hold. Why in the world do we stress out so much about THEIR futures? I've been a basket case all school year. Every time we disagree with her on ANYTHING she says, "So, do you want me gone?" - the whole kick me out so I can appear pitiful to my friends deal. She's so tough....
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