The girls are excited about the upcoming holidays and put the Christmas tree up today. I don't mind. It's fake and can stay up as long as we want it to. (This is the first time ever that I've had the tree up before Thanksgiving.) The lights from previous years wouldn't light so I sent Alli and Beth to the store to get all new ones. They all spent the afternoon putting on lights and ornaments. For some reason, amongst all the ornaments, we had only one red ball ornament. We commented on how it must be the lone survivor from at least a dozen. I promptly knocked it off while trying to straighten the leaning tree. It fell onto another decoration and shattered into a hundred pieces. R.I.P. little red ball. Sorry I killed you.
Cori wasn't in the room but heard the crash and we gave her all the details about the death of the one sad little red ornament. Later, she was holding two gold ball ornaments. I reminded her about the recent death of the red one and cautioned her to handle them gently. I heard her say, "They don't feel like they'd break. They feel like plastic." Before I can stop her, she bangs them together a couple of times and, of course, they exploded! She seemed so surprised. Duh, we'd just told you what happens if you aren't careful with them. She had a mini-meltdown, ordering Alli and Beth to get the vacuum and clean up the glass. Um, no. You knew better. You made the mess. I don't care if you are barefooted, you and you alone will clean this up. She got a tiny cut her finger in the process and began demanding I get her a band aid. Again, no thanks. You are 15 years old and chose to do something stupid. (As Cindy would say, - "She's stuck on stupid" That fits so well.) I just let her deal with it all. I never flinched, never moved. She'll no doubt tattle to her counselor that I made her (and only her) clean up broken glass for no reason and that I almost let her bleed to death. Sadly, the counselor will believe her and probably hotline me for abuse. With some kids, I really think I'm just wasting my time and energy.
In the meantime, though, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around our house...even though it's not even Thanksgiving yet.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
18 and knows it all...
My blogging has gotten behind. With Frannie sleeping on the couch right next to the computer, my time to blog has been limited. Anyway, she had her long-anticipated 18th birthday this week. She's a typical professional foster kid and just knew that when she turned 18, the world was going to magically begin going her way. Needless to say, it did not.
She had the option in our state of signing herself into "post custody services" with the county DCS office. If she had, they would have helped her get set up in an apartment, helped her get a job, and paid her a monthly stipend for the next 4 years. In return, she would have been required to check in with a case worker once a month and stay in some type of educational program (high school, GED class, college, trade school, etc.). She opted not to go this route. They then offered her transitional living services through another agency. They would have provided more intensive assistance (meeting with worker every week) but had no other requirements. She must have declined this, too. Anyway, DCS gave her permission to stay with me a couple more days until she could find a place to live.
On her birthday, we woke her with singing and the non-traditional doughnut cake and one present. After school, we went out to eat at a restaurant that offers free dessert and public humiliation for the birthday girl. She loved it! We came home and she opened the rest of her presents and the proceeded to call everyone she knew to see if she could live with them for a while. From her end of the conversation, I couldn't tell that she found any.
She got up the next morning and left for the bus (or so I thought). The rest of us left for our schools. When we got home about 4:00, Frannie, along with all her stuff, was gone. That's it - POOF and she was on her own. There is nothing anyone can do as she is 18 and legally an adult. Sadly, the only thing 18 about her is that she was born 18 years ago. She functions on the level of a delayed 8 year old. She is unable to write the most basic sentence. Here is a bit of an email she sent to a friend complaining that no one will help her,
" i proable sta some where i dot even kno where i a going to liv they stel have not help me get a jod so not monethat no house apartpnet so ye so how was you day gone so far"
I can only imagine what the job market would look like for someone with those literacy skills. She has no education, no marketable skills, and no social supports. I feel so bad for her. Her first 18 years have been a huge struggle. The rest of her life looks to be even worse! She's 18 and thinks she knows it all. We've all tried to explain it to her but she won't (can't) listen. What can you do?
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Bummer
Let me start out by saying I never see movies in the theater. I have waited over a month to see the new movie, "Martian Child." It's so rare to find a movie that relates a little to my life but this one looked to be good. I wanted to see it opening day but the kids had things going on and I wanted us all to see it. So, I proclaimed that our activity for family night tonight.
To keep costs down, we ate dinner at home. Being the practical (and poor) parent that I am, we stopped at a drugstore to get cheap candy to smuggle in the theater. (Sorry, I'm paying over $30 to get my family in 6 in the movie. I can't dip into my retirement fund to buy a seriously overpriced pack of M&Ms. I make it okay in my head by saying I'll smuggle the candy in but buy the drinks there.) At the drugstore, I ran into another teacher from my school and invite her to join us.
We got there, bought tickets and drinks, and got into the theater just as the previews started. When we walked into the theater, there was only one other person in the room. It was dark but I could see it was a man and he was there by himself. Wouldn't you know he was sitting in the seat beside the only wheelchair space in the whole place. I briefly consider finding the manager and asking him to boot the guy from the wheelchair slot. However, the rest of the place is empty so we stick Elvis and his wheelchair in an aisle about half way down, thinking if the usher asks us to move, I'll explain the dilemma and let him move the odd man in the back. As the movie starts, I realize the guy has moved from his seat and is sitting behind Frannie. All of a sudden, it hits me that this is the sleaze she's been talking to on my space! First, he's an adult! Second, she has obviously told him where we were going and what time we'd be there! (I'm obsessive about my kids and my space. I even monitor Alli's account and she's 20. However, Frannie is just here for a few days and I didn't have the time to keep up with hers.) Obviously, she's off the computer. I think she's just here for one more night after tonight anyway.
Anyway, I ruined my time at the movie. I was so careful to keep my eye on her that I couldn't actually watch the movie. Elvis also got bored and ended up in my lap. No movie watching can occur when you are trying to quietly entertain a 5 year old with special needs. Dang it. I just wanted to watch one movie every couple of years. Am I asking too much?
By the way, what I saw of the movie was really good. I plan to see it again (alone, maybe?) and see the whole thing.
To keep costs down, we ate dinner at home. Being the practical (and poor) parent that I am, we stopped at a drugstore to get cheap candy to smuggle in the theater. (Sorry, I'm paying over $30 to get my family in 6 in the movie. I can't dip into my retirement fund to buy a seriously overpriced pack of M&Ms. I make it okay in my head by saying I'll smuggle the candy in but buy the drinks there.) At the drugstore, I ran into another teacher from my school and invite her to join us.
We got there, bought tickets and drinks, and got into the theater just as the previews started. When we walked into the theater, there was only one other person in the room. It was dark but I could see it was a man and he was there by himself. Wouldn't you know he was sitting in the seat beside the only wheelchair space in the whole place. I briefly consider finding the manager and asking him to boot the guy from the wheelchair slot. However, the rest of the place is empty so we stick Elvis and his wheelchair in an aisle about half way down, thinking if the usher asks us to move, I'll explain the dilemma and let him move the odd man in the back. As the movie starts, I realize the guy has moved from his seat and is sitting behind Frannie. All of a sudden, it hits me that this is the sleaze she's been talking to on my space! First, he's an adult! Second, she has obviously told him where we were going and what time we'd be there! (I'm obsessive about my kids and my space. I even monitor Alli's account and she's 20. However, Frannie is just here for a few days and I didn't have the time to keep up with hers.) Obviously, she's off the computer. I think she's just here for one more night after tonight anyway.
Anyway, I ruined my time at the movie. I was so careful to keep my eye on her that I couldn't actually watch the movie. Elvis also got bored and ended up in my lap. No movie watching can occur when you are trying to quietly entertain a 5 year old with special needs. Dang it. I just wanted to watch one movie every couple of years. Am I asking too much?
By the way, what I saw of the movie was really good. I plan to see it again (alone, maybe?) and see the whole thing.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Tapeworm?
New foster daughter, Frannie, has the ability to eat more than a full-grown man. She's very thin, so I'm not worried about weight gain. I am worried about my ability to feed her and the rest of us on my grocery budget. She ate anything and everything she came across this weekend. When I would go to the pantry to get the ingredients for a meal, at least one necessary item would be missing. I've resorted to this:
Saturday, November 3, 2007
You've come a long way, Baby!
Elvis turns 5 today! I haven't known him quite 5 years yet. His mom was placed here when he was two months old and still in NICU. We spent the next two months driving back and forth to his hospital. Finally, on his 4 month birthday, we brought him home. His life hasn't been easy and it never will be. In his five years, he's dealt with PVL, CP, reflux, seizures, low blood sugar, asthma, ROP, RSV, MRSA, and whole bunch of other letters I'd rather not remember right now. His doctor says he'll never be "functionally ambulatory" - fancy doctor talk for he won't walk. So what if he won't walk? We'll get him the fastest, shiniest red wheelchair and help him face life on his own terms. He is one well-loved little boy. I'm blessed to have him in my life!
It's a girl!
I really thought I was done fostering. We spent all last weekend moving each teen into her own room. Each room was set up with only one bed. All spare beds (I know, only foster homes have spare beds) were taken to the shed for storage.
Wednesday afternoon, my cell rings and it's DCS. I answer thinking it's Deb's worker calling to ask a question about her meds. Nope, it's the placement worker. He's trying to place a 17 year old girl. She's turning 18 in a couple of weeks and has burned through every therapeutic home in the area. They need someone to hold on to her until she turns 18 and signs herself out of custody. I said no, really I did. However, he called back an hour later (it's now 5:30 PM) and he's still at the office with her. He asks if I'll take her just for the night. I say yes but only if he is okay with her sleeping on the couch. He is, of course.
I drove to the office and picked up...let's call her Frannie. She actually has the same first name as Cori, so it's going to be a little confusing, but we'll survive. Her previous foster mom had just dropped her and all her belongings off at the office that morning. She'd sat there most of the day in an unused cubicle surrounded by all her worldly belongings. I took her and one bag of dirty clothes and headed home.
She is a handful. She's borderline IQ and talks nonstop. This is not a good combo, but it's only for one night. She's pleasant enough. You can tell she's a professional foster kid - She just came in and made herself at home. She's not the least bit shy or standoffish. She hops in, takes care of her needs, and moves on. The night went fine. She did sleep on the couch and Alli dropped her at school Thursday morning. After work, I called the worker to see when and where I needed to drop off the things she left at my house. He stammers around a few seconds before admitting they have no place for her to go. He asks if I will consider keeping her a week if he gets me more money. I say no, that the money isn't important. I list all the reasons I don't want to keep her - she's a bad influence on my kids, I have no bedroom for her, I don't have anyway to pick her up after school. He said the couch is fine for the week and would I keep her if DCS picks her up from school and keeps her at the office until I get off work. I agree.
So, it's Saturday morning and as I type this, Frannie is snoring on the couch beside me. She was supposed to get a home pass to see her bio family this weekend but the dad had to work. I feel so bad for this girl. She's been in and out of foster care for 14 years or so. She's not very bright and has almost no high school credits. She's 10 days from turning 18 and being on her own. How in the world will she survive???
Wednesday afternoon, my cell rings and it's DCS. I answer thinking it's Deb's worker calling to ask a question about her meds. Nope, it's the placement worker. He's trying to place a 17 year old girl. She's turning 18 in a couple of weeks and has burned through every therapeutic home in the area. They need someone to hold on to her until she turns 18 and signs herself out of custody. I said no, really I did. However, he called back an hour later (it's now 5:30 PM) and he's still at the office with her. He asks if I'll take her just for the night. I say yes but only if he is okay with her sleeping on the couch. He is, of course.
I drove to the office and picked up...let's call her Frannie. She actually has the same first name as Cori, so it's going to be a little confusing, but we'll survive. Her previous foster mom had just dropped her and all her belongings off at the office that morning. She'd sat there most of the day in an unused cubicle surrounded by all her worldly belongings. I took her and one bag of dirty clothes and headed home.
She is a handful. She's borderline IQ and talks nonstop. This is not a good combo, but it's only for one night. She's pleasant enough. You can tell she's a professional foster kid - She just came in and made herself at home. She's not the least bit shy or standoffish. She hops in, takes care of her needs, and moves on. The night went fine. She did sleep on the couch and Alli dropped her at school Thursday morning. After work, I called the worker to see when and where I needed to drop off the things she left at my house. He stammers around a few seconds before admitting they have no place for her to go. He asks if I will consider keeping her a week if he gets me more money. I say no, that the money isn't important. I list all the reasons I don't want to keep her - she's a bad influence on my kids, I have no bedroom for her, I don't have anyway to pick her up after school. He said the couch is fine for the week and would I keep her if DCS picks her up from school and keeps her at the office until I get off work. I agree.
So, it's Saturday morning and as I type this, Frannie is snoring on the couch beside me. She was supposed to get a home pass to see her bio family this weekend but the dad had to work. I feel so bad for this girl. She's been in and out of foster care for 14 years or so. She's not very bright and has almost no high school credits. She's 10 days from turning 18 and being on her own. How in the world will she survive???
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
For the first time in years...
Honestly, I can't remember the last time we were home for Halloween. This year, we are staying home! I'm kind of excited. Since Deb left last week, we don't really have anyone of trick-or-treating age. Elvis is almost 5 but it's such a hassle to load and unload his wheelchair or try to lug his long, stiff body in and out of the van and up and down people's front steps. We've opted to stay home and let the fun come to us.
Beth and I just spent the last hour or so creating this basket of treats. She was so excited about the Tootsie Pop ghosts. I remember making them with my mom when I was little. It was fun (and a little surreal) to be making them with a 17 year old. Of course, technically, this is our first Halloween as legal mother and daughter, so maybe it was a little symbolic. I guess we created a memory we would have missed otherwise.
Beth and Alli are out now, looking for more ribbon. We have another whole bag of Tootsie Pops and lots of tissues but our ribbon supply ran short. I predict we will have ghosts running out our ears before the evening is over. Beth wants to take some to her friends at school. I'd like to take one for each of my students. Alli is acting all cool and grown up about them but I totally expect her to pull one out of her backpack in the middle of a community college class tomorrow (and I know she will because I plan to plant one there early tomorrow morning). Cori (age 15) is running around now with a set of glow-in-the-dark vampire teeth in her mouth. Perhaps Halloween brings out the kid in everyone...especially kids who missed out on the fun stuff in their biological homes.
If you know me in real life and live nearby, come on by Halloween night. We'll all be home - eating chili and dirt pudding and passing out goodies to all who dare to come near.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Extreme Home Makeover
Well, not like the TV show but we've done well for us! It's been a busy day.
Deb is gone. She moved to a therapeutic foster home in a neighboring county Thursday night. Her worker picked her up from school and took her there. I haven't had the chance to say goodbye but hope to soon. We still have a lot of her stuff here that we need to get there. I'm rather anal about kids getting everything that is theirs when they leave here. Foster kids often get a raw deal so I do my part to help them along the way.
Anyway, the departure of Deb frees up a bedroom. Cori is moving in there. (That's been the plan all along. Originally, DCS was going to move Deb to another foster home before they'd let Cori move in. Of course, things got delayed and that didn't happen. So, Cori moved in the room with Beth...just until Deb moved.) About 5 years ago I'd painted that bedroom yellow. The paint sample said "Mellow Yellow" but it turned out to be more of a Big Bird Yellow. I haven't liked it the whole time but I didn't have to sleep in there (and it looked better than the 70s brown paneling that it covered) so I left it. I decided since the room was temporarily unoccupied, this was the time to neutralize the Sesame Street room.
I got up this morning and headed to Wal-Mart (ALONE - everyone else was still asleep). On the way the temperature light on my van came on. I immediately turned at the next street and headed for my mechanic's shop. About a half-mile down the road, the light started flashing and a warning chime kept dinging at me. I pulled over in the nearest parking lot and called the mechanic. He came right away and got my van running. (He added two gallons of antifreeze!) He said that should hold me until I can get it into the shop on Tuesday. I love that man!
I got to Wal-Mart later than I planned and was caught up in the rush of everyone that shows up there on Saturday mornings. I finally parked and fought my way into the store, dodging the usual collection of Boy Scouts selling fundraiser products and people giving away unwanted kittens and puppies. I grabbed the first paint that didn't make me sick (a light yellow named Lemon Chiffon) and the necessary equipment and headed back out, declining the repeated offers of overpriced popcorn and free pets with mange.
Since I'd been productive for the morning, I took some time off for lunch and a movie I'd Netflixed (The Shawshank Redemption) which my teens had seen before but I hadn't. It was great! Then, I painted, turning the Big Bird room into a yellowy off-white. It's not exactly what I wanted but it's better than it was. Once the walls were freshly painted it was obvious that the carpet badly needed cleaning. The girls went out to rent a cleaner and pick up the ingredients for vegetable soup for dinner.
The girls are now busy with various tasks. Beth is moving the full-size bed from Deb's room to hers. Cori is moving her twin bed into Deb's old room. The carpets have been cleaned and look much better. When they dry a little more, we'll move the rest of Cori's belongings into her new room and help Beth get things settled in her old room that she has all to herself again. (That makes her very happy.) Alli alternates between helping the other girls and then arguing with them. At least she's not arguing with me. Elvis is engrossed in watching "Meet the Robinsons." I'm just glad he's agreed to watch that because he's watched "Cars" so many times that I have it memorized and often quote along with the DVD.
Tomorrow promises to be busy as usual. We'll have to finish the moving and cleaning tasks. For tonight, though, I'm looking forward to some homemade veggie soup and enjoying having my kids around. The roller coaster that is my life continues...
Deb is gone. She moved to a therapeutic foster home in a neighboring county Thursday night. Her worker picked her up from school and took her there. I haven't had the chance to say goodbye but hope to soon. We still have a lot of her stuff here that we need to get there. I'm rather anal about kids getting everything that is theirs when they leave here. Foster kids often get a raw deal so I do my part to help them along the way.
Anyway, the departure of Deb frees up a bedroom. Cori is moving in there. (That's been the plan all along. Originally, DCS was going to move Deb to another foster home before they'd let Cori move in. Of course, things got delayed and that didn't happen. So, Cori moved in the room with Beth...just until Deb moved.) About 5 years ago I'd painted that bedroom yellow. The paint sample said "Mellow Yellow" but it turned out to be more of a Big Bird Yellow. I haven't liked it the whole time but I didn't have to sleep in there (and it looked better than the 70s brown paneling that it covered) so I left it. I decided since the room was temporarily unoccupied, this was the time to neutralize the Sesame Street room.
I got up this morning and headed to Wal-Mart (ALONE - everyone else was still asleep). On the way the temperature light on my van came on. I immediately turned at the next street and headed for my mechanic's shop. About a half-mile down the road, the light started flashing and a warning chime kept dinging at me. I pulled over in the nearest parking lot and called the mechanic. He came right away and got my van running. (He added two gallons of antifreeze!) He said that should hold me until I can get it into the shop on Tuesday. I love that man!
I got to Wal-Mart later than I planned and was caught up in the rush of everyone that shows up there on Saturday mornings. I finally parked and fought my way into the store, dodging the usual collection of Boy Scouts selling fundraiser products and people giving away unwanted kittens and puppies. I grabbed the first paint that didn't make me sick (a light yellow named Lemon Chiffon) and the necessary equipment and headed back out, declining the repeated offers of overpriced popcorn and free pets with mange.
Since I'd been productive for the morning, I took some time off for lunch and a movie I'd Netflixed (The Shawshank Redemption) which my teens had seen before but I hadn't. It was great! Then, I painted, turning the Big Bird room into a yellowy off-white. It's not exactly what I wanted but it's better than it was. Once the walls were freshly painted it was obvious that the carpet badly needed cleaning. The girls went out to rent a cleaner and pick up the ingredients for vegetable soup for dinner.
The girls are now busy with various tasks. Beth is moving the full-size bed from Deb's room to hers. Cori is moving her twin bed into Deb's old room. The carpets have been cleaned and look much better. When they dry a little more, we'll move the rest of Cori's belongings into her new room and help Beth get things settled in her old room that she has all to herself again. (That makes her very happy.) Alli alternates between helping the other girls and then arguing with them. At least she's not arguing with me. Elvis is engrossed in watching "Meet the Robinsons." I'm just glad he's agreed to watch that because he's watched "Cars" so many times that I have it memorized and often quote along with the DVD.
Tomorrow promises to be busy as usual. We'll have to finish the moving and cleaning tasks. For tonight, though, I'm looking forward to some homemade veggie soup and enjoying having my kids around. The roller coaster that is my life continues...
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Full Moon?!?!
Tonight has....sucked, for lack of a more eloquent description. Everyone has gone crazy.
Deb had a counseling appointment and came home ready for a fight. I managed to get through the evening without letting it become a full-blown rage, but bedtime brought it to a head. Hours of screaming, kicking, hitting, cursing, biting, and scratching followed. At the same time, Cori was already having some sort of breakdown. Her thinking and perception of things are not clear at all. What everyone else sees one way, she perceives a totally different way and, not surprisingly, in her perception we are all against her. I can't predict/avoid/alter her way of seeing things. She keeps saying I treat her differently from the other girls. When I ask how, she says she doesn't know. All she knows is I treat her differently. When I ask when it happened last, she says, "Today." I say, okay, tell me how I treated you differently today. Again, she can't say. I can't arrange my life to cover any delusional thoughts she might or might not have.
In the midst of all that, Alli goes off saying she is leaving all of us - including her son, Elvis, who had a seizure today and is always horribly cranky after those. Umm, no you're not. She does seem to have settled down now. There was a period of an hour or so tonight that I wanted to leave them all.
I finally called the caseworker for both girls (lucky woman, she is in charge of them both) on her cell. She talked to both and decided Cori isn't dangerous to herself or others. We have a meeting scheduled for Friday to discuss her needs and whether or not placement at my house is appropriate for her. (at this point, I'd have to say no) Deb, however, will be sleeping in someone else's house tomorrow night. I told them I would drop her off at school tomorrow but would not be picking her up. In 10 years (35 kids) I've NEVER come close to something like this. This child is dangerous -both by her physical aggression and her false accusations. I'm not willing to assume the risks involved with her any more. She is out of control and needs some help. They are planning to place her in a therapeutic home. She needs it.
So, I guess a new day is dawning in my life. I've not been happy for a couple of months now. Perhaps 10 years of fostering is my limit? My heart is sad but my head feels like this is the right decision.
Deb had a counseling appointment and came home ready for a fight. I managed to get through the evening without letting it become a full-blown rage, but bedtime brought it to a head. Hours of screaming, kicking, hitting, cursing, biting, and scratching followed. At the same time, Cori was already having some sort of breakdown. Her thinking and perception of things are not clear at all. What everyone else sees one way, she perceives a totally different way and, not surprisingly, in her perception we are all against her. I can't predict/avoid/alter her way of seeing things. She keeps saying I treat her differently from the other girls. When I ask how, she says she doesn't know. All she knows is I treat her differently. When I ask when it happened last, she says, "Today." I say, okay, tell me how I treated you differently today. Again, she can't say. I can't arrange my life to cover any delusional thoughts she might or might not have.
In the midst of all that, Alli goes off saying she is leaving all of us - including her son, Elvis, who had a seizure today and is always horribly cranky after those. Umm, no you're not. She does seem to have settled down now. There was a period of an hour or so tonight that I wanted to leave them all.
I finally called the caseworker for both girls (lucky woman, she is in charge of them both) on her cell. She talked to both and decided Cori isn't dangerous to herself or others. We have a meeting scheduled for Friday to discuss her needs and whether or not placement at my house is appropriate for her. (at this point, I'd have to say no) Deb, however, will be sleeping in someone else's house tomorrow night. I told them I would drop her off at school tomorrow but would not be picking her up. In 10 years (35 kids) I've NEVER come close to something like this. This child is dangerous -both by her physical aggression and her false accusations. I'm not willing to assume the risks involved with her any more. She is out of control and needs some help. They are planning to place her in a therapeutic home. She needs it.
So, I guess a new day is dawning in my life. I've not been happy for a couple of months now. Perhaps 10 years of fostering is my limit? My heart is sad but my head feels like this is the right decision.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
What a week!
After two weeks of fall break, it's always hard to get back into the routine of school. We are busy during the whole time off but there are fewer time issues. Appointments that are usually crammed into too-few after school hours are rescheduled for during the day, allowing us some time to actually breathe.
Sunday night, the switch flipped and Deb went off. I was kicked, hit, scratched, pinched, punched, and whacked in the head with a 4-foot tall plastic Uncle Sam (I never said my life was normal). It was no worse than any other rage but I was DONE. I loaded her up in the van, called my best friend and had her waiting in the road for me to pick her up, and drove Deb to the hospital. Along the way, Deb (who sat in her seat and stayed buckled for whatever reason) kept kicking me in the head and shoulders. When she's in this state, she is oddly agile and better able to inflict pain. My friend was turned around trying to block some of the kicks. I called the on-call DCS worker and gave her a brief account of what was happening and asked if it was okay to take her to the hospital. (In my almost 10 years of fostering, I've never done this.) In the only amusing moment of the whole evening, the worker said, "Sure, I'm already here. Just bring her on in." After parking at the ER, Deb refused to get out. I "helped" her out of the van. She refused walk up the hill to the entrance. I just grabbed her wrist and started walking. My friend walked behind, ready to stop her if she pulled away. We got into the lobby and the screaming stopped. She was still red-faced and panting but she flipped the switch the other direction and became an angel. I had multiple marks on my hand, arm, and shoulders from where she had hurt me. They got into the back quickly and that was the last thing that happened quickly the whole evening. It took three HOURS for the crisis counselor to arrive. While she was talking to me in another room, an idiot nurse gave Deb a Pepsi (at 11:00 PM, thank you very much) and turned on the Disney Channel for her. The crisis counselor wrote a safety plan with excruciating slowness and we finally left there just before midnight. All in all, Deb had a great time. I full expect her to want to do it again. Not the outcome I wanted. There have been a few positive outcomes for me. DCS (who knew full well I was having these problems with her) is suddenly falling all over themselves trying to find me some help. I've been begging for help with her for months but only now do they feel the need to even attempt to find it. There is something very wrong with the system.
Being up until 1:30 AM and then having to get up at 5:30 to start my first day back at work was not easy. Teaching little kids requires a lot of patience and, working on only 4 hours of sleep, I didn't have much. After school, Deb had a visit with her bio mom at a local library. I'm not usually involved in these other than picking her up afterwards, but her worker wanted me to come in and give them all an update on her behavior. Let's just say that meeting didn't go well. Bio mom is loud under good circumstances. She left the library screaming - several times as she kept coming back in to yell at the worker that she would have her child back home before Halloween. Mmmm, I don't think so, Chick. Other than the embarrassment factor of the yelling in the library, the action didn't bother me too much. It was just more evidence against the mom. Monday night, Alli and Elvis didn't come home. (Am I asking too much that she at least call and let me know they are spending the night elsewhere?)
Tuesday was okay. Alli even pitched in Tuesday afternoon and helped get Cori to me so I could get her to her counseling appointment on time. She also took Beth home and picked up Deb from her after school program. Cori's counseling is an hour away so that one-hour session ate up 3 hours of my time. We got back to town and went straight to Deb's baseball practice. I left home at 6:45 that morning and didn't walk back into my house until just after 8:30 PM. As I got out of the van, Alli was walking out of the house. She'd left her favorite jeans at the house where she and Elvis had spent Monday night. She was going to grab them and be "right back." This, of course, left me in charge of a really cranky Elvis. When she been gone an hour, I called and texted but go no response. She finally got home an hour-and-a-half after she'd left. The friend lives about 10 minutes from our house so I have no clue where she really was.
Wednesday, we had school and Beth had a local counseling appointment. We had a successful family night that evening.
Thursday was school and then Deb's mental health case manager (who has been MIA since July, even though she's supposed to see her twice a month) had to come to see her. She was scheduled to come at 5:30 but didn't show up until 6:05. She stayed until after 7:20, leaving me with hungry, cranky kids.
Friday finally arrived and everyone got to school on time with everything they needed. My day at work went better as they have hired new teachers and my class got smaller!!! For the first time in 7 years, my class size is under 20. Deb had a psychiatrist appointment for a med adjustment. The doctor was wonderful and thinks she can really help. I left there feeling much better. We got home and the kids were going in 20 different directions. Alli and Elvis were out. Cori had a dance at her school (small rural school, about 20 minutes from our house). Beth wanted to go the the football game at her school (huge school about 30 minutes from our house). Luckily, I could send Cori to the dance with someone else. I dropped her off on my way to take Beth to her game. On the way home, Deb and I grabbed fast food for dinner and went home to do our own things. She was excited that a new Hannah Montana was coming on. I was glad to be myself in the den until I had to reverse the route and go pick everyone back up. I was pleasantly surprised to not have to go back out. Beth called and wanted to spend the night with a friend. Alli came home and needed to go to Wal-Mart. I offered to keep Elvis if she would go grab Cori from her dance. She agreed. Elvis and I snuggled in bed and watch Lingo (his favorite TV show) on the Game Show Network. He's such a nerd.
So, it's Saturday. Alli is getting ready for work. Beth is still with her friend. Cori has been up, eaten breakfast, and gone back to bed. Deb is still asleep. (I'll pay for that tonight when she won't go to bed but I'm loving it now.) Elvis is on my bed watching trash on TV. On the agenda for today is removing the carpet from the living room. It's been the site of a few too many pet accidents and smells like pee. I can't take it any more. I know the hard wood floors underneath are probably stained but they won't be as smelly. I'm hoping a nice area rug will help.
Sunday night, the switch flipped and Deb went off. I was kicked, hit, scratched, pinched, punched, and whacked in the head with a 4-foot tall plastic Uncle Sam (I never said my life was normal). It was no worse than any other rage but I was DONE. I loaded her up in the van, called my best friend and had her waiting in the road for me to pick her up, and drove Deb to the hospital. Along the way, Deb (who sat in her seat and stayed buckled for whatever reason) kept kicking me in the head and shoulders. When she's in this state, she is oddly agile and better able to inflict pain. My friend was turned around trying to block some of the kicks. I called the on-call DCS worker and gave her a brief account of what was happening and asked if it was okay to take her to the hospital. (In my almost 10 years of fostering, I've never done this.) In the only amusing moment of the whole evening, the worker said, "Sure, I'm already here. Just bring her on in." After parking at the ER, Deb refused to get out. I "helped" her out of the van. She refused walk up the hill to the entrance. I just grabbed her wrist and started walking. My friend walked behind, ready to stop her if she pulled away. We got into the lobby and the screaming stopped. She was still red-faced and panting but she flipped the switch the other direction and became an angel. I had multiple marks on my hand, arm, and shoulders from where she had hurt me. They got into the back quickly and that was the last thing that happened quickly the whole evening. It took three HOURS for the crisis counselor to arrive. While she was talking to me in another room, an idiot nurse gave Deb a Pepsi (at 11:00 PM, thank you very much) and turned on the Disney Channel for her. The crisis counselor wrote a safety plan with excruciating slowness and we finally left there just before midnight. All in all, Deb had a great time. I full expect her to want to do it again. Not the outcome I wanted. There have been a few positive outcomes for me. DCS (who knew full well I was having these problems with her) is suddenly falling all over themselves trying to find me some help. I've been begging for help with her for months but only now do they feel the need to even attempt to find it. There is something very wrong with the system.
Being up until 1:30 AM and then having to get up at 5:30 to start my first day back at work was not easy. Teaching little kids requires a lot of patience and, working on only 4 hours of sleep, I didn't have much. After school, Deb had a visit with her bio mom at a local library. I'm not usually involved in these other than picking her up afterwards, but her worker wanted me to come in and give them all an update on her behavior. Let's just say that meeting didn't go well. Bio mom is loud under good circumstances. She left the library screaming - several times as she kept coming back in to yell at the worker that she would have her child back home before Halloween. Mmmm, I don't think so, Chick. Other than the embarrassment factor of the yelling in the library, the action didn't bother me too much. It was just more evidence against the mom. Monday night, Alli and Elvis didn't come home. (Am I asking too much that she at least call and let me know they are spending the night elsewhere?)
Tuesday was okay. Alli even pitched in Tuesday afternoon and helped get Cori to me so I could get her to her counseling appointment on time. She also took Beth home and picked up Deb from her after school program. Cori's counseling is an hour away so that one-hour session ate up 3 hours of my time. We got back to town and went straight to Deb's baseball practice. I left home at 6:45 that morning and didn't walk back into my house until just after 8:30 PM. As I got out of the van, Alli was walking out of the house. She'd left her favorite jeans at the house where she and Elvis had spent Monday night. She was going to grab them and be "right back." This, of course, left me in charge of a really cranky Elvis. When she been gone an hour, I called and texted but go no response. She finally got home an hour-and-a-half after she'd left. The friend lives about 10 minutes from our house so I have no clue where she really was.
Wednesday, we had school and Beth had a local counseling appointment. We had a successful family night that evening.
Thursday was school and then Deb's mental health case manager (who has been MIA since July, even though she's supposed to see her twice a month) had to come to see her. She was scheduled to come at 5:30 but didn't show up until 6:05. She stayed until after 7:20, leaving me with hungry, cranky kids.
Friday finally arrived and everyone got to school on time with everything they needed. My day at work went better as they have hired new teachers and my class got smaller!!! For the first time in 7 years, my class size is under 20. Deb had a psychiatrist appointment for a med adjustment. The doctor was wonderful and thinks she can really help. I left there feeling much better. We got home and the kids were going in 20 different directions. Alli and Elvis were out. Cori had a dance at her school (small rural school, about 20 minutes from our house). Beth wanted to go the the football game at her school (huge school about 30 minutes from our house). Luckily, I could send Cori to the dance with someone else. I dropped her off on my way to take Beth to her game. On the way home, Deb and I grabbed fast food for dinner and went home to do our own things. She was excited that a new Hannah Montana was coming on. I was glad to be myself in the den until I had to reverse the route and go pick everyone back up. I was pleasantly surprised to not have to go back out. Beth called and wanted to spend the night with a friend. Alli came home and needed to go to Wal-Mart. I offered to keep Elvis if she would go grab Cori from her dance. She agreed. Elvis and I snuggled in bed and watch Lingo (his favorite TV show) on the Game Show Network. He's such a nerd.
So, it's Saturday. Alli is getting ready for work. Beth is still with her friend. Cori has been up, eaten breakfast, and gone back to bed. Deb is still asleep. (I'll pay for that tonight when she won't go to bed but I'm loving it now.) Elvis is on my bed watching trash on TV. On the agenda for today is removing the carpet from the living room. It's been the site of a few too many pet accidents and smells like pee. I can't take it any more. I know the hard wood floors underneath are probably stained but they won't be as smelly. I'm hoping a nice area rug will help.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
